bum bum bee dum bum bum bee dum dum CONTAGIONNN

20 Sep

SO a few things to catch everyone up on my life:

1) I have moved for the final time at The Ohio State University. While I hate moving, it’s bittersweet to know that this house will be the last one I live in as a student…After this year, I will be the first college alumni in my immediate family, annnd a real big girl*. (Insert Joey Lawrence “WHOA” wherever you see fit).

(*Hopefully this will just mean an adult, and not that I will gain 350 lbs from binge drinking natty light followed by consuming sandwiches that have both french fries and chicken fingers in them…My biggest hurdle will be football season, not due to day drinking for games, but due to stress eating from the embarrassing games that my cherished Buckeyes have been “playing”.)

Sober: disgusting. Drunk: 8-course meal in a hoagie. What a deal…

2) I got an internship for this fall! WOO00OO00OO00O! It’s with a pretty genius marketing company called Brand Ambassadors. It’s based out of Arizona, and basically what I’m going to be doing is word of mouth marketing…IE Spending hours on Facebook and Twitter spouting praises about local (well, not even local…anywhere, really) companies who rock, and deserve more recognition from real people (Gen X’s and Y’s). SO: If anyone thinks there is a particularly sweet product I should try, and rave about, comment on here and I’ll give it a whirl!

********ALSO!!! If any OSU student reading this right now is a marketing/comm/social network major/extraordinaire and would be interested in doing this internship with me, Facebook message me and I’ll have my people talk to your people, capiche?

3) With the recent and drastic change in weather, I have developed Bronchitis. I’ve been taking Zicam fast melts, 2,000 mg’s of vitamin C, as well as drinking gallons of water… I really need to stop being so intrigued by medicine that comes in anything other than pills and syrups. As I was strolling down the cough and cold section at Target (while itching my neck like a meth addict needing something to get rid of this whooping-cough), I came across Zicam Fast Melts. Immediately put off, I assumed they were for children, since most can’t swallow pills. As I looked closer, I noticed that this particular medicine was, in fact for adults! Eureka! I grabbed the box, wiped the drool from my mouth, and checked out. I couldn’t get to my car fast enough, and ripped the orange caution cone-colored box open before I could even get into my car. The 16-year old cart shepherd moved his flock inside as the hacking drug fiend (me) placed a Zicam Rapidmelt onto my salivating tongue. I wasn’t sure if I was expecting an Acid-like euphoric trip from this; but what I got was three minutes of me wincing and gagging at the flavor of this disgusting tablet that was apparently a “RapidMelt”. The side of the box promised me this:

  • Great tasting Orange Cream flavor.
  • Quickly dissolves in the mouth without water.
  • Non- drowsy.
  • Non-Habit forming.
Yet, in my opinion, if Zicam really wanted to be real about their product, it would say this:
  • Orange Cream Flavor…For about 4 seconds, then it transitions to a lovely chalk flavor with notes of hairspray.
  • In reality, this dissolves rather quickly, however the taste and texture of this make you want to throw in the towel early and do shots of Robutussin with a chaser of Kamchatka.
  • If your definition of Non-Drowsy is: Not peacefully sleeping at all, and suffering through the night coughing to a point of dry heaving, then yes, Zicam Rapidmelts are, in fact, Non-Drowsy.
  • In relation to the above definition of “Non-Drowsy”, these suckers are non-habit forming, because no one in their right mind could actually crave these devil pills, as they’re so horribly disgusting.

Don't do it.

Overall, I had a moment and forgot that I am 23, and have been able to simply swallow pills that aid in curing bronchitis for quite some time now. I made a mental note of this to avoid this issue in the future.

Creepy as haaaill

The premise is a killer pandemic/biological warfare, and the movie, in my opinion did an awesome job at depicting exactly what such a blow could do to the world’s population/how crazy people would get/ how realistic such events are…(yikes). As I sat at the edge of my seat (partially because I had to pee from all of the liquids I have been consuming in an effort to self cure my bronchitis), I took great pleasure in not holding back from letting the occasional cough slip by in moments of silence during the movie. I could feel the fidgeting and nervous glances move toward my direction every time I coughed. I was on a slight power trip as a fake patient zero…Until I took a much-needed bathroom break in the middle of the movie. As I chuckled on my way out of the bathroom to wash my hands, I went to lather up. No soap. I went to another sink. Same thing. Out of 6 sinks, only one had remnants of hand soap in it. By this time, my brow was sweating from paranoia, that perhaps somehow Gateway Theater was actually a gateway for a new pandemic, starting right here at The Ohio State University. I covered my soaking wet hand with my sweater to push the knob to get a paper towel for my freshly rinsed hands…The faucet was a censor faucet, which would be fine, if the water wasnt freezing cold…How are life-threatening viruses supposed to die if the water is as cold as ice? As I sauntered back into the theater, defeated and paranoid, all I could think was “Well played, Gateway theater…Well played.”
I think you should all be pretty well caught up after this! SO, here are my life lessons and notes that you should all take from here:
1) If a medicine is described as a rapid melt, and you can swallow a pill faster…Go for the pills.
2) Having Bronchitis is all fun and games during a pandemic movie…Until you can’t properly sanitize your hands.
3) I would greatly appreciate any products that I could review for my internship 😀
Love, peace, and flu vaccines,

2 Responses to “bum bum bee dum bum bum bee dum dum CONTAGIONNN”

  1. Tbones September 20, 2011 at 4:28 am #

    This shit is better than most tv.

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